Back to dreaming about aliens.

So over the  last few days we were absolutely spoiled. Our old wooden bus (nickname: George Washington) had to be left in the shop for 4 days to have the engine block repaired. So we ended up cruising in quite possibly the nicest bus we have ever lived in. But now those days of living lavishly are behind us and we are back in the real world. Back to the realm where everyone personal belongings are strewn about because good ol' George Washington doesn't have storage space.  So now I sit here between 2 24 packs of miller light and a box filled with 2 gatorades, 8 diet cokes, a bottle of hot sauce, and a stack of drum heads. Life definitely just got hard again. Anger is the only emotion I feel now and it may be the only emotion I will be feeling for the remainder of my days. Last night I almost got in a fight with 2 chicks in dresses because i asked them if they were coming home from the prom and they responded with "no asshole, do we look 18?" which i promptly responded "no you definitely dont and learn how to take a joke you haggard, cranky, bitch." I was quickly removed from the situation and the night was put to an end. The night before that, I had to beg and plead to the ft lauderdale police about how they should not arrest me because when I pushed over a sign, I did not do it with malice and that I had not broken or even damaged the sign. They crudely reprimanded me and I was able to go to bed which was all I wanted to do at that moment. The night before that I had the opportunity to hang out with some great friends in Atlanta. They brought me to a rave, I made my best attempt at "glow stick dancing" and then put her to bed.  LIFE IS GRAND!!!!

i've heard about it happening, but i never thought it would happen to me...

Here I sit in El paso, Tx on my second day off on this tour in 16 days. I dont exactly have anything lined up for today yet, but lets be honest people...IT'S FUCKING EL PASO TEXAS - probably going to suck. So let me bring you back to the evening before last. Hollywood CA - record release day for Unearth - all management/record label reps/a&r reps and anyone else that just love to buy a dude like me free drinks. But surprisingly I somehow managed to stay sober. Unfortunately I can not say some the same for our illustrious tour manager (whose named I will with hold because of ruining him professionally isnt how I roll, but for the stories sake I will refer to him as "Dudewhopissedonmelikeadog"). So for some reason I am the first person to go to bed around 4 am. On a tour bus there are a few things that will make a dude wake up pretty much immediately; for example: tour bus breaks locking up, sounds of a girl moaning, when someone touches the curtain to your bunk, and the very distinct sound of someone pissing where they should not be pissing. A few hours after i went to bed I was awoken abruptly to someone wrestling with my curtain. That person unknown to me at the time was Dudewhopissedonmelikeadog. He was so drunk that he was trying to get into my bunk because my bunk is comfortably located on the bottom where it is easy enough for anyone to roll into at a time of over consumption (the reason I picked it). His bunk is on the top which requires several acrobatic maneuvers to enter. So after him trying to force his way into my bunk for about 5 minutes and me trying to convince him that his bunk was above mine, I closed my curtain and positioned myself so he wouldn't be able to enter even if i fell asleep. Then I remember that all of a sudden his aggressive maneuvers to enter my bunk abruptly stopped. Curiosity got the better of me and i once again opened my curtain. The next site I would see was one that I will not soon forget. I opened the curtain just in time to see him reposition himself on all fours like a dog, lift a leg, and proceed to piss (through his boxers) all over my curtain, sheets, comforter, his own shoes and the rug. Fortunately there was enough depth to my bunk that allowed me to avoid getting piss on my person. Now you have to be very careful how you handle someone like this who is in such a deep state of intoxication but his next move was the one that blew my mind. Immediately after he completed "Piss on Grizz Fest 2008" he seemed to pull himself together and go directly to the  bathroom. Dudewhopissedonmelikeadog's actions ultimately would cause me to have to spend the entire night in the front lounge which was a lot less than 5 star accomidations. Cant wait to see what tomorrow brings. :)

I've been beat on, snowed on, broken, and bruised.

I have now been on the road with the metal band "Unearth" for only 11 days. I've pushed the envelope of intoxication. I have now seen Nelly in concert (and even fixed his guitar). I've broken up 3 fights, been punched in the mouth, I've eaten 16 burritos, seen dudes puke, dislocated my right knee, eaten 42 boneless buffalo wild wings over 3 visits, been so drunk that I  don't even remember loading out, spent countless hours searching for dead bodies in wooded areas around the venues, tried to be turned into a vampire (its a long story), I have quit my job twice in drunken arguments, sprained my right ankle,  had an extremely infected left side of my face, got something that I have diagnosed as a minor case of strep throat, and strangely the only term that I can still use is: "LIVING THE DREAM". I am having a blast. We are riding in a bus that left Prevost factory on a beautiful afternoon back in 1987.  The interior is made of wood and the door opens with a crank like an old school bus and I love it. It makes me feel like I am living in an ol' cabin in the woods. So far on this bus we have shattered a rear window, broken a table, lost a window blind when the window smashed it got sucked out, broken the tile on the counters, a door, the paper towel holder, and the wooden lid that goes over the cooler. The best feature about this bus has to be that the engine pumps diesel fuel exhaust into the bunk area (where we all sleep). This is causing us all to have really weird/extreme dreams. For some reason, I continue to have dreams that ultimately end in someone in my life turning into an alien and leaving on the spaceship from "Flight of the Navigator". It is a reoccurring theme that I don't understand. Shows have been great. We are working up towards the Unearth record release date on tuesday Oct 14th. That should change everything about this tour. The record is going to come out and either flop causing everyone to drink more (if that is even possible) or the record is going to do great which will ultimately cause everyone to drink more (if that is even possible). Yesterday I got to deal with my first blizzard of the tour. I am talking full on roads closed, snow banks, break out the boots and the shovel...BLIZZARD. Unfortunately, the heaviest piece of clothing I packed was a light spring zip up hoody, which now sit balled up in a corner soaking wet. Definitely did not plan on snow.  A couple of days ago we had a day off in lovely Lansing, Il. This was a day not to be forgotten. Started the day with a 2 mile walk to target to pickup my prescription (reference the swollen face above), only to sit there for 3 hours until the pharmacy idiots and the health insurance idiots got on the same page and got me my meds. Ate at Applebee's (gross). Had to do a demo for every person on the wait staff about my tattoos (for those who know me, you know I hate talking about my tattoos), then went to hooters and ate/drink $100 worth of wings, beers, and margaritas. I feel pretty comfortable in saying that none of the hooters girls from the Lansing, Il sector will be appearing the hooters calendar this year. Built a beer funnel and went to bed. All around waste of a day. It was great. 

video blog!!

I would like to thank KYTE for giving us the technology to video blog this tour. The footage can be found here: http://promo.livenation.com/sweepstakes/unearth/ - 2 days into this tour. I love America.